Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.
Murray and Pat married in 1989 after meeting
through an organization called
Christian Widows and Widowers.
He had been a widower for two years after
a 40 year marriage, and she had been a widow
for seven years after a 28 year marriage.
The following article is the result of an
accumulation of many years of marital experiences.
After several years it became apparent that Murray was suffering memory loss. He began taking medication for it in 2006. He gradually declined, but Pat cared for him at home. He needed help with dressing and bathing and used a walker in the house and a wheelchair when they went to church or to the doctor's office. In 2011 he was moved to a small group home where he was cared for along with 3 other Alzheimer's patients. He was in hospice care for the last six months of his life.
Murray passed away on June 15, 2012. See a Memorial page here.
If these thoughts can help some young person
to build a foundation for a strong marriage,
or help to heal a broken marriage, our prayers
will have been answered.
One of the foundations of a lasting marriage is commitment to each other and to making the marriage work.
A generation or two ago, marriages were stable
and divorce was not as widespread as it is today.
We believe this was due to the commitment of people
entering into the marriage relationship.
Divorce should not be an option.
There are situations, of course, where there is
abuse and infidelity which cannot, and should not
Not in every case, but in most cases, if discernment
is used in Key 2, this type of abuse will not be found.
One of the most important keys to a successful marriage is to carefully and prayerfully choose the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
Young people get caught up in the romance and the
physical attraction, and they don't consider whether
the object of their attraction
will help or hinder them in their
Of course, the foundation for choice
should have been laid years before.
Just because a person falls in "love",
doesn't necessarily mean that person you "love"
would make a good spouse.
Hormones need to be governed by reason.
God made us creatures of choice.
In fact, our lives are a product of the choices we make.
Early in the marriage a young couple needs to seriously consider each of their roles in the family in light of God's word. Let Christ be the head of the family,
and let the husband be the
spiritual leader in the family.
A loving husband will not be overbearing.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Few things can be more detrimental to a marriage
than the refusal of one of the partners to discuss problems.
Work it out together if you can, but don't hesitate
to get outside help in the form of Christian counseling
if it is required.
DON'T NEGLECT YOUR SPOUSE
It is easy especially for a mother to become so involved in
raising the children that she neglects her husband.
Long after the children have left home, you will need each other.
A loving relationship must be built while the children are growing up.
COME TO AN AGREEMENT ABOUT THE HANDLING OF FINANCES.
The handling of money is the root of many problems in a marriage. There needs to be transparency in the handling of money and the way it is spent.
Sometimes managing the money is a joint effort, but sometimes one partner is
better equipped to handle the family finances.
The other partner needs to defer to the one with this gift.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH
You want to be able to enjoy your relationship with one another
for many years.
IF POSSIBLE ARRANGE FOR THE WIFE AND MOTHER TO BE IN THE HOME
Make every effort to have the mother available in the home
during the years when the children are growing up.
A working mother with young children is actually
holding down two full time jobs.
She has little time nor energy left for her husband
at the end of the day.
I love being married and i love my husdand but at time we get mad with each
other.we dont talk to see where we went wrong.I no that only pray and god
love keeping are marriage.I thank God.
What space does this Key allow for in marriage??
Must I allow my
partner to go out with his friends alone sometimes? How do I know what room
to allow? Can this be good for a marriage? young people to go have some fun
time apart with their friends? GIVE EACH OTHER ROOM FOR INDIVIDUAL
Each partner will have personal likes and dislikes. One
may be a sports fan, the other may not. Not all things have to be shared.
Am very happy to know this just to help me make the right choice in life
and to who i will marry God bless you and i hope to enjoy my too.
Samuel Inkoom (HCI)