We will look at other characteristics of the ideal mother.

1.  The exemplary mother will provide proper discipline

There are times when discipline needs to be given as we are training our children. In the Bible, God tells us that physical punishment is necessary. We read in Proverbs 13:24," He who spares his rod hates his son: But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."
" Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

If the training is successfully done, the need for any physical punishment will not be needed. The training needs to begin when they are extremely young, before they have their first birthday; pops on their hands and diapers. This form of discipline, spanking, should not be done too often nor harshly. This should not be necessary once the child reaches their teen years. But if a daughter is correctly trained from her youth, mom is usually successful in making her daughter realize that discipline is given out of love.

After speaking with many with teenagers, I have come to see that if a parent uses physical whippings to discipline a daughter who feels she is grown, this will only causes hatred in the daughter's heart. The heart of a spanked teenager becomes more and more hardened. Figures tell us this is why many girls run away from home or jump at the opportunity to marry and leave home. When your daughter is made to obey by force, that is simply what it is - force! This form of discipline is not the discipline that will help form character.

How important it is to be consistent! We don't want to punish one time and withhold punishment the next time for the same misdeed. Don't say you are going to do something if they disobey, and then not follow through. The job is never accomplished right either when we yell. When mom gets angry and yells, she ends up having an angry daughter who yells also. A daughter's conduct begins with her mother's conduct.

2.  She will praise her daughter

It is so extremely important to look for ways to praise our daughters' achievements. When we constantly bring up their failures, how discouraged that would cause them to feel.

So many children try over and over again in an attempt to please their parents. Often unfavorable comparisons are made within the family. When children are compared to others, they are made to feel inadequate. This note was left behind for a psychologist by a patient who lived in the shadow of a gifted sibling. The note summed up the troubles faced better than any psychology report. The psychologist was asked in the note," Will you please tell my parents that the only thing I was ever trying to do was prove to them that I amounted to something."

We all don’t possess the same talents, and we’re not all alike in our behavior. This is good. God created us all different. Each one can do, in different ways, things that please God. So mothers, don't be hypercritical in comparing your child with someone else. A daughter wants to be accepted as she is and not compared to others.

So many mothers are embarrassed to show love toward their daughters. You can show your love by putting your arms around your daughter and saying, "You make me so proud to have you as my daughter." The time it takes to let her know this will be well worth it. You will see her blossom into a young lady who wants to please you and her Lord. Everyone needs to hear that they are loved, and your daughter is no different.

Fathers have a responsibility too. " And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

3.  She will not compete with her daughter on any level

When daughters are young, two to five years old, mom may want to dress like her daughter. This is all right when the daughter is that young. As she grows up, this should not be done. The daughter will feel uneasy about telling her mom her feelings on this issue, but she wants to show her individuality.

If the mom is attractive, she needs to dress and act her age and not her daughter’s age. The mother needs to find friends her age and not try to establish good relationships with her daughter’s friends. When a mom makes friends with her daughter’s friends, it only causes strife. She should not try to be wittier than her daughter, thereby attracting her friends.

An ideal mother will not ever try to steer her daughter’s boyfriend’s attentions away from her daughter. Should this happen without the mom doing anything purposely to cause it, mom needs to correct it as soon as she is aware of the situation.

When we are respectful, we are considerate of others. We will have respect for others’ feelings, their privacy, and we will treat them with courtesy. When daughters reveal any secrets to their mothers, those secrets should in no way be devulged by their mothers. I John 4:8," He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

4.  She will be able to apologize if necessary

This has to be one of the hardest things for a mother to say: "I'm sorry. I was wrong." She seems to think that if she admits wrong, she will lose authority and her daughter will become unmanageable. Just the opposite is true. A daughter can see that her mother is only human, and so, mistakes are made. If mom is not big enough to admit it and say,"I was wrong", her daughter will soon lose respect for her.

So many times, the mom will yell when she becomes angry. They both begin yelling and before long words may be said that are later regretted. We read in Ephesians 4:26,"Be angry, and do not sin: let not the sun go down on your wrath."

You may have punished your daughter and found out later she did not deserve the punishment, or that you punished her too harshly. Mom needs to go to her daughter and apologize.

5.  She will reserve her "No's" for important matters

This occurs too often; mothers, as they discipline, may say "No" too many times. Their teenager feels that she is capable of making many wise decisions. When the teenager is never allowed to make decisions, she resents it. When there is not anything really wrong in what she wants to do, even if it is unwise and could turn out to her disadvantage, let her do it. When her own decisions turn out wrong, it will often teach her a lesson that she would not have learned in another way. Making mistakes is one way of learning to grow and mature. This will also save a lot of wear and tear on mother and daughter. Save the "No" for the really important things.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:13 (NKJV)

So we see that discipline is given to form character. Discipline is given for the development of self-control and for good habits to be brought out. Rules that we need to know must be taught before we can be successful in life. When a mother corrects, she will correct out of love.

Discussion and study question:
1) What does the teenage daughter feel in her heart when she is whipped?
2) What happens when mom yells?
3) When our daughter’s failures are constantly brought up, how does she feel?
4) When should training begin?
5) How do children feel when compared to others?

Copyright 2007 Linda Lawrence