KEYS TO A
Unless the Lord builds the house,
they labor in vain who build it.
Murray and Pat married in 1989 after meeting
through an organization called
Christian Widows and Widowers.
He had been a widower for two years after
a 40 year marriage, and she had been a widow
for seven years after a 28 year marriage.
The following article is the result of an
accumulation of many years of marital experiences.
1989 wedding photo
After several years it became apparent that Murray was suffering memory loss. He began taking medication for it in 2006. He gradually declined, but Pat cared for him at home. He needed help with dressing and bathing and used a walker in the house and a wheelchair when they went to church or to the doctor's office. In 2011 he was moved to a small group home where he was cared for along with 3 other Alzheimer's patients. He was in hospice care for the last six months of his life.
Murray passed away on June 15, 2012. See a Memorial page here.
If these thoughts
can help some young person
to build a foundation for a strong marriage,
or help to heal a broken marriage,
will have been answered.
One of the foundations of a lasting marriage is commitment to each other and to making the marriage work.
A generation or two ago, marriages were stable
and divorce was not as widespread as it is today.
We believe this was due to the commitment of people
entering into the marriage relationship.
Divorce should not be an option.
There are situations, of course, where there is
abuse and infidelity which cannot, and should not
Not in every case, but in most cases, if discernment
is used in Key 2, this type of abuse will not be found.
CHOOSE THE RIGHT MATE
One of the most important keys to a successful marriage is to carefully and prayerfully choose the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
Young people get caught up in the romance and the
physical attraction, and they don't consider whether
the object of their attraction
will help or hinder them in their
Of course, the foundation for choice
should have been laid years before.
Just because a person falls in "love",
doesn't necessarily mean that person you "love"
would make a good spouse.
Hormones need to be governed by reason.
God made us creatures of choice.
In fact, our lives are a product of the choices we make.
REMAIN SEXUALLY PURE UNTIL MARRIAGE
This is an admonition for young people. Your marriage will have a greater chance of success
if you do. Young people today who are taking a stand
against pre-marital sex are to be applauded.
Aim for Success non-profit organization that promotes sexual abstinence until marriage
True Love Waits
Lifeway Biblical solutions
Courtship and Marriage
Laura and Paul the story of a courtship ending in marriage
ACCEPT GOD'S PLAN FOR THE FAMILY
Early in the marriage a young couple needs to seriously consider each of their roles in the family in light of God's word. Let Christ be the head of the family,
and let the husband be the
spiritual leader in the family.
A loving husband will not be overbearing.
DON'T WITHHOLD LOVE AND AFFECTION
Don't use your love and affection as a weapon to get your own way.
God has given specific instructions about the
physical relationship between husband and wife.
LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Few things can be more detrimental to a marriage
than the refusal of one of the partners to discuss problems.
Work it out together if you can, but don't hesitate
to get outside help in the form of Christian counseling
if it is required.
DON'T NEGLECT YOUR SPOUSE
It is easy especially for a mother to become so involved in
raising the children that she neglects her husband.
Long after the children have left home, you will need each other.
A loving relationship must be built while the children are growing up.
COME TO AN AGREEMENT ABOUT THE HANDLING OF FINANCES.
The handling of money is the root of many problems in a marriage. There needs to be transparency in the handling of money and the way it is spent.
Sometimes managing the money is a joint effort, but sometimes one partner is
better equipped to handle the family finances.
The other partner needs to defer to the one with this gift.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH
You want to be able to enjoy your relationship with one another
for many years.
GIVE EACH OTHER ROOM
FOR INDIVIDUAL GROWTH
Each partner will have
personal likes and dislikes.
One may be a sports fan, the other may not.
Not all things have to be shared.
BE WILLING TO SAY, "I'M SORRY"
Be willing to admit it
when you are wrong.
Truly mean it, and try to make improvements.
BE WILLING TO FORGIVE
Sometimes it's hard to forgive when you have been wronged by your mate. Even though you won't forget the wrong, try to forgive in your heart and rebuild your relationship.
IF POSSIBLE ARRANGE FOR THE WIFE AND MOTHER TO BE IN THE HOME
Make every effort to have the mother available in the home
during the years when the children are growing up.
A working mother with young children is actually
holding down two full time jobs.
She has little time nor energy left for her husband
at the end of the day.
SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN THE
DISCIPLINING OF THE CHILDREN.
As parents you need to present a united front for your children.
Failure to do so will cause the marriage
and the children to suffer.
MAKE POSITIVE REMARKS ABOUT YOUR MATE
TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
Hold your spouse in high esteem and let your family and friends know how much you value the love of your life.
We honor those who have been faithful for
50 years of marriage
GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES
A TRIBUTE TO OUR PARENTS
Thanks to Bible Gateway for the scriptures.
We have referenced them
in the NIV version.
You may want to explore other translations also.
The Marriage Tool Box
To hear the song "In All Our Dreams", go to