God's Exquisite Garden
THE IDEAL MOTHER (PART 2)
We will look at other characteristics of the ideal mother.
The exemplary mother will provide proper discipline
There are times when discipline needs to be given as we are training our
children. In the Bible, God tells us that physical punishment is
We read in Proverbs 13:24," He who spares his rod hates his son: But he who
loves him disciplines him promptly."
" Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the
rod of correction will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15
If the training is successfully done, the need for any physical punishment
will not be needed. The training needs to begin when they are extremely
young, before they have their first birthday; pops on their hands and
diapers. This form of discipline, spanking, should not be done too often nor
harshly. This should not be necessary once the child reaches their teen
years. But if a daughter is correctly trained from her youth, mom is usually
successful in making her daughter realize that discipline is given out of
After speaking with many with teenagers, I have come to see that if a
parent uses physical whippings to discipline a daughter who feels she is
grown, this will only causes hatred in the daughter's heart. The heart of a
spanked teenager becomes more and more hardened. Figures tell us this
is why many girls run away from home or jump at the opportunity to marry and
leave home. When your daughter is made to obey by force, that is simply what
it is - force! This form of discipline is not the discipline that will help
How important it is to be consistent! We don't want to punish one time and
withhold punishment the next time for the same misdeed. Don't say you
are going to do something if they disobey, and then not follow through. The job is
never accomplished right either when we yell. When mom gets angry and yells,
she ends up having an angry daughter who yells also. A daughter's conduct
begins with her mother's conduct.
She will praise her daughter
It is so extremely important to look for ways to praise our daughters'
achievements. When we constantly bring up their failures, how discouraged
that would cause them to feel.
So many children try over and over again in an attempt to please their
parents. Often unfavorable comparisons are made within the family. When
children are compared to others, they are made to feel inadequate.
This note was left behind for a psychologist by a patient who lived in the
shadow of a gifted sibling. The note summed up the troubles faced better
than any psychology report. The psychologist was asked in the note," Will
you please tell my parents that the only thing I was ever trying to do was
prove to them that I amounted to something."
We all don’t possess the
same talents, and we’re not all alike in our behavior. This is good. God
created us all different. Each one can do, in different ways, things that
please God. So mothers, don't be hypercritical in comparing your child with
someone else. A daughter wants to be accepted as she is and not compared to others.
So many mothers are embarrassed to show love toward their daughters. You can show your love by
putting your arms around your daughter and saying, "You make me so proud
to have you as my daughter." The time it takes to let her know this will
be well worth it. You will see her blossom into a young lady who wants to
please you and her Lord. Everyone needs to hear that they are loved, and your
daughter is no different.
Fathers have a responsibility too. " And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to
wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4
She will not compete with her daughter on any level
When daughters are young, two to five years old, mom may want to dress like
her daughter. This is all right when the daughter is that young. As she
grows up, this should not be done. The daughter will feel uneasy about
telling her mom her feelings on this issue, but she wants to show her
If the mom is attractive, she needs to dress and act her age and not her
daughter’s age. The mother needs to find friends her age and not try to
establish good relationships with her daughter’s friends. When a mom makes
friends with her daughter’s friends, it only causes strife.
She should not try to be wittier than her daughter, thereby attracting her
An ideal mother will not ever try to steer her daughter’s boyfriend’s
attentions away from her daughter. Should this happen without the mom doing
anything purposely to cause it, mom needs to correct it as soon as she is
aware of the situation.
When we are respectful, we are considerate of others. We will have respect
for others’ feelings, their privacy, and we will treat them with courtesy.
When daughters reveal any secrets to their mothers, those secrets should
in no way be devulged by their mothers.
I John 4:8," He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."
She will be able to apologize if necessary
This has to be one of the hardest things for a mother to say: "I'm
sorry. I was wrong." She seems to think that if she admits wrong, she will
lose authority and her daughter will become unmanageable. Just the opposite
is true. A daughter can see that her mother is only human, and so, mistakes
are made. If mom is not big enough to admit it and say,"I was wrong", her
daughter will soon lose respect for her.
So many times, the mom will yell when she becomes angry. They both begin
yelling and before long words may be said that are later regretted. We read in
Ephesians 4:26,"Be angry, and do not sin: let not the sun go down on your
You may have punished your daughter and found out later she did not
deserve the punishment, or that you punished her too harshly. Mom needs to
go to her daughter and apologize.
She will reserve her "No's" for important matters
This occurs too often; mothers, as they discipline, may say
"No" too many times. Their teenager feels that she is capable of
making many wise decisions. When the teenager is never allowed to make
decisions, she resents it. When there is not anything really wrong in what
she wants to do, even if it is unwise and could turn out to her disadvantage, let
her do it. When her own decisions turn out wrong, it will often teach her a
lesson that she would not have learned in another way. Making mistakes is
one way of learning to grow and mature. This will also save a lot of wear
and tear on mother and daughter. Save the "No" for the really important
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he
is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:13 (NKJV)
So we see that discipline is given to form character. Discipline is
given for the development of self-control and for good habits to be brought
out. Rules that we need to know must be taught before we can be successful in
When a mother corrects, she will correct out of love.
Discussion and study question:
1) What does the teenage daughter feel in her heart when she is whipped?
2) What happens when mom yells?
3) When our daughter’s failures are constantly brought up, how does she
4) When should training begin?
5) How do children feel when compared to others?
Copyright 2007 Linda Lawrence
Lessons in this Series
||Becoming The Noble Woman: God's Master Plan For The Ideal Wife And Mother
By Anita Young / Hensley Publishing
A character-building study for wives whose heart's desire is to reach the ideal established in Proverbs 31! Designed for individual or group use, with a strong emphasis on self-evaluation, Young's lessons offer brief overviews followed by in-depth discussion, summaries, and "assignments" including Scripture memorization. Participants will also learn about prayer, relationships, and improving family life. 154 pages, softcover from Hensley.
Photos courtesy Stock Xchng,
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